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Sunday, January 1st, 2006
6:44 am - The Matter of Love
Love is the most integral part of our emotional lives. All the embodied emotions of positivity are consisted and trasmitted and sustained through compassionate love.

Love of ourselves, and of others, gives us the strength we need, as social creatures, to live. Intimacy becomes us.

Much of my life, I have not loved myself, and though I have loved others, I have feared them to love me in return. Craving it constantly, I could not accept it. Having security and a strongly situated base in self-loathing, I felt insecure, fearful, and even anxious about leaving such.

Thus my love has always been more than a little unhealthy, as it was one-sided. I cannot allow another to love me.

As I went through life, this became apparent. I would die for others, but wouldn't lift a finger for myself.

Self-love is instrinsicly necessary to a healthy life. To love one's self allows oneself to have better confidence, joy, and emotions which would allow him to love others more healthily. In loving others more healthily, one might receive more healthy emotions from them (as their self-love is reinforced) and their love towards one may be healthier and stronger. Allowing you healthier self-love.

Four points. Su Xiang. Yin-Yang, Yang-Yin, Yin-Yin, Yang-Yang.

In understanding the universal mechanics of a system, one can understand any system.

In knowing this, I will heal myself.
The facades, the fear, the pain...the sorrow. It is too long coming.

My family will not support this. As we all hate ourselves....

This will be a good undertaking.

Love and Peace,
-Benjamin

current mood: Sick but Up Late Anyway

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Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
12:27 am - Ownage of Taiji!
http://www.ymaaschool.com/media/audiovideo/audvideos.php

YMAA's (Yang's Martial Arts Association) website. I'd suggest looking into their videos, some good stuff.

Love and Peace

current mood: ecstatic

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Thursday, September 1st, 2005
11:28 pm - World Peace
The people who have inspired me greatest in my life...were practitioners of peace. People who actively cultivated and practiced a peaceful living. Who compassionate helped...and healed others.

We live in a world filled with pain...what is more needed than love?

current mood: Floatingly Fluid

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Monday, August 22nd, 2005
10:17 am - Soo Bahk Do
Seems like everyone's doing it now...half of my friends are in the class. *smiles* A good thing, I think. Master Diaz and Aaron Diaz are both accomplished, knowledgable, and estute artists. Hmmm...

http://www.soobahkdo.com/
http://www.damdirtyapes.com/

Two sites that might interest you...both art...one a little more ancient in it's roots and standardized than the other.

Ahah! My first casual post...breakthrough! *smiles*

current mood: cheerful

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
1:17 pm
A truncated trance fribblingly triumphs over the last bastion of barely believable reason. Resistant reliquaries encase the encumbering memories of a once imaginative mind. Don't you find that with each breath you see the death of yet another breadth of life? An inch or a pinch of the quintessential correlating coalescent strife? To most just a peice of peace that they ride throughout a karmic line of existential existence. To some...nothing but a gridlock of mismatched intoxicated chemical patches of soft membrance tissue, this issue of Life Unlimited that spirals in colors of inks, isn't that what it is to think?

Where were you before you were born?
What is your purpose in this infinity complex?

Hmmm...thought itself seems a great capacity...but for what?

Hopefully for love...

current mood: Obliviously Creative

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Saturday, July 30th, 2005
7:20 am - You showed us how you weren't afraid to die...
So long, don't cry...or feel to down...

*hums softly*

Simple sickness slides every so sweetly into the synapsis of my collaberative cognition...
The ignition of thought! What is this wrought of the light that is fraught by the fight that is naught but the right of those caught in the hells of desire's haught? For this I fought! To spiral towards nothing. But what is nothing? Merely another allusion to illusion...

Nothing is a false notion, a most queer potion of chemical strings; ideas that arise in thee that tell to me that I cannot see beyond a single horizon or destiny! That it ends, that oblivion ensues, what a ruse! False though it might gleem, let us look closer at it's seams...pluck them apart with wisdom or with wit that is tart. Although sour and wry, you might find it's disguise and open your eyes to the inlaid lies that ever it hides.

Can you not see? One existence is just one me, but there is no one existence to be, there are million and a million more to see, symphonies of effervescence or cacophonies in evanescence! Enchanting and overriding, unequivocably arriding! Incadescently arriving upon my mind, only to find I've lost my place, lost in space, adrift and astray on this mental ray, so jubilantly gay!

*smiles*

I'm really tired...notice the topic drift.
Anyway...hope it was at least amusing.

Poof,
Benjamin

current mood: tired

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Thursday, July 28th, 2005
4:44 am - Seduction and Self-Ignorance
The subversion of will, the sinuous sinister succumbing to the overturning overt encumbering of an inept and forfeit mind. Behind the times it cannot wind to hope to find a way to grind, to grasp or cope with the only affordable hope, to sit and ponder, to mope.

The seduction seeps like slow soft sounds, it twines and it's wound around and around my head and it pounds ever so softly, alight and a loft it, it comes and it grits into the mind and grates further behind and a slate of thought that I find cannot possibly be mine. To lust for, to desire, what is this that does not aspire yet still manages a choir of thought, it is sought and it seeks forever to weep upon the chest of defeat, to be suckled by loss and to seek grand failure, a wail here and a nail you drive into me and dive into the sea of inevitable inescapble lucid obsolescence.

My essence is grown but not before it is thrown through and out into the stout and trudging doubt of the world about me. See?

current mood: amused

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Friday, April 29th, 2005
11:29 pm - The Soul of Brothers
And James walked into the darkness...the soft light of the car's headlights in the distance...and I watched.

I hope that he finds what he's looking for. In the security of brothers he will know that if he needs anything, regardless of consequence, I will be there to help.

Without fail.

*breathes deeply* It was a good night. We went downtown, we went to West Mobile, we went into the unknown of crazy tunnels. We enjoyed the night.

*smiles softly and bows*

It is in companionship that I find my security. In compassion that I find my crazy way of life.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: calm

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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
8:38 pm - Peace, Compassion, and The Way
So I'm taking Aikido classes this summer...
I hope it blends well into my Yang style.

If not, what's to lose? Just an experience with a sister art, even if it fails, I'll broaden my horizons.
At least it's something to do.

On the way I've chosen...of internal arts.
*smiles* Of helping others, of healing.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: Dedicated

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Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
9:41 am - Honor
For my friends, for my family, for those I've attempted to heal.

For compassion.

Though I serve others...I do not base my value on others.
My value is my own. Integrity...self-love. *breathes deeply*

I live to serve, still.
Honor complete, content, and self-sufficient.

I serve.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: loved

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Monday, April 18th, 2005
11:46 am
11:11] SSJ4Celtrunks: Those of us who are mindful...
[11:11] SSJ4Celtrunks: To every Buddhist, they already live in that world.
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: No blame, no guilt, no judgement...just sick people, and compassion healing them.
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: Just people.
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every one of them deserving of love.
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: No matter what they've done.
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: Because no matter how sick they were.
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: That's all the more reason they need love...
[11:12] SSJ4Celtrunks: To be healed.
[11:13] emmohhbee: i drr
[11:13] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles and bows*
[11:14] SSJ4Celtrunks: So we slowly filter the energies of the world. This is Zen. When you practice cultivation...like the Earth, you transform old and sick energy into positive, growing, healthy energy.
[11:14] SSJ4Celtrunks: Do these things make sense?
[11:15] emmohhbee: for sure
[11:15] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles and bows* It is our humble hope. These things are not the aboslute truth, or nirvana...but they are health...they are happiness.
[11:15] SSJ4Celtrunks: They are everything that we want.
[11:15] SSJ4Celtrunks: No one wants to hurt.
[11:15] SSJ4Celtrunks: Even masochists hurt to feel better...
[11:15] SSJ4Celtrunks: They just don't know any other way to feel it.
[11:16] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every child wants to be held.
[11:16] SSJ4Celtrunks: Wants to be loved.
[11:16] SSJ4Celtrunks: And we don't change much from that...at our core.
[11:16] SSJ4Celtrunks: We just learn how to hide it.
[11:16] SSJ4Celtrunks: Everyone wants to be loved.
[11:16] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles warmly*
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: And with infinite compassion...we strive to love everyone.
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: Everything.
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every single atom.
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every single molecule.
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: Because it is beautiful, wonderful, exquisite, divine existence...
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: All interconnected.
[11:17] SSJ4Celtrunks: All one breathing tapestry of being of existing...together...harmonious...
[11:18] emmohhbee: word
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles* It's rants like these that make people think I'm wise.
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: ;P
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles* Can you see that, though?
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every single atom in the universe, every bit of matter, is made of the same thing.
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: Same building blocks.
[11:18] emmohhbee: yeah
[11:18] emmohhbee: i see waht you saying
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: Everything in the universe is hydrogen building blocks, if you want to look at it that way...
[11:18] SSJ4Celtrunks: And remember, time's infinite, right?
[11:19] SSJ4Celtrunks: So every atom in the universe has composed your body at some point.
[11:19] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every single bit of the unvierse has been every other bit.
[11:19] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every single possible thing that could've happened has.
[11:19] SSJ4Celtrunks: And will again.
[11:19] SSJ4Celtrunks: Infinity...it doesn't just stop at everything, its' everything...infintely.
[11:19] SSJ4Celtrunks: So you have been where you are, right now, an infinite amount of times.
[11:20] SSJ4Celtrunks: You have said the words you're about to say before.
[11:20] SSJ4Celtrunks: And done everything imaginable before.
[11:20] SSJ4Celtrunks: An endless cycle.
[11:20] SSJ4Celtrunks: An eternal playground.
[11:20] SSJ4Celtrunks: If death means nothing other than a few eons of rest.
[11:20] SSJ4Celtrunks: At worst.
[11:21] SSJ4Celtrunks: You're just waiting around for infinity to reconstruct your exact molecular structure again.
[11:21] emmohhbee: i see
[11:21] SSJ4Celtrunks: Which, given that time is infinite, would be a blink from your moment of death, to your moment of rebirth.
[11:21] emmohhbee: thats a better way to put it
[11:21] SSJ4Celtrunks: If you want to look at it that way.
[11:21] SSJ4Celtrunks: Which isn't entirely true, somewhere in infinity, your consciousness has been everything.
[11:21] SSJ4Celtrunks: You've been dragnos,
[11:21] SSJ4Celtrunks: You've been the weirdest things imaginable.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: The same molecules that make you right now have made stars.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: Planets.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: Exoctic races of weird aliens long lost to infinity's timeless essence.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: Every single imaginable thing, you have been.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: The universe has been.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: And you are the universe...
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: In all it's splendor, beauty, and limtless infinity.
[11:22] SSJ4Celtrunks: Does that make sense?
[11:22] emmohhbee: indeed it does
[11:23] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles* I'm glad.
[11:23] SSJ4Celtrunks: You must be really chill and insightful right now, then.
[11:23] SSJ4Celtrunks: Because if you're feeling my logic, then you're probably feeling something of what I'm feeling right now.
[11:23] SSJ4Celtrunks: Which is...very...very...chill.
[11:23] SSJ4Celtrunks: At least, I hope so.
[11:24] SSJ4Celtrunks: Not to mention spiritual and astral qualities.
[11:24] SSJ4Celtrunks: If you believe in that + infinity...
[11:24] SSJ4Celtrunks: Dear god...
[11:24] SSJ4Celtrunks: You've been everything.
[11:24] SSJ4Celtrunks: everything imaginable.
[11:25] emmohhbee: yeah
[11:25] emmohhbee: we think on the same lines
[11:25] SSJ4Celtrunks: You've been dragons soaring through astral energy pockets, you've been demon kings in jade palaces...
[11:25] SSJ4Celtrunks: You've been the trippiest of shit.
[11:25] SSJ4Celtrunks: And the most mundane.
[11:25] SSJ4Celtrunks: Taken eon naps as a meteor drifting through space.
[11:25] SSJ4Celtrunks: *nods* It's a good line to think on.
[11:26] SSJ4Celtrunks: I, in truth, have come to believe in somewhat linear threads of reincarnation.
[11:26] SSJ4Celtrunks: I am the universe, but I also think that there is something spiritual that carries on from life to life.
[11:26] SSJ4Celtrunks: I have a lot of memories and karma that have followed me my whole life from my past...before I had a past.
[11:27] SSJ4Celtrunks: I relate that to astral (karmic) energy.
[11:27] SSJ4Celtrunks: Buddhists say that throughout our conscious life we affect the universal energies around us...and we warp them we make a special imprint on them.
[11:27] SSJ4Celtrunks: And this is our special spiritual thumbprint in the universe's constant pulsing energy.
[11:28] SSJ4Celtrunks: And that flows from life to life.
[11:28] SSJ4Celtrunks: Not just phsysical realm lives...
[11:28] SSJ4Celtrunks: Gods, demi-gods, demons, ghosts, maras, pretans, all the weird supernatural shit.
[11:28] emmohhbee: i see
[11:28] emmohhbee: sort of like writing our name in the sand, on the beach that we consider 'existance'
[11:28] SSJ4Celtrunks: Depending on what your karmic thumbprint was, they believe that you are naturally attracted to certain reincarnations.
[11:28] SSJ4Celtrunks: *nods* Energy is like ths and.
[11:28] SSJ4Celtrunks: Energy is EVERYTING.
[11:29] SSJ4Celtrunks: And 'we' our 'selves' are constantly a part of all that energy...
[11:29] SSJ4Celtrunks: But we have that print...
[11:29] SSJ4Celtrunks: Eventually, after a few eons, I suppose that you might diffuse into the ultimate.
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: I think that's what Nirvana is, actually...
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: Just becoming that universal energy, and ceasing the cycle of birth and death.
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: But eventually, when new thumprints are created, a part of that universal energy is put into it.
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: See, there is no ceasing...no annhilation...
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: Just...
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: Change...
[11:30] SSJ4Celtrunks: Play back and forth..energy play.
[11:31] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles* So it doesn't really break the chain.
[11:31] SSJ4Celtrunks: It just...
[11:31] SSJ4Celtrunks: It rejuvenates it.
[11:31] SSJ4Celtrunks: But then, I don't think this unvierse is all there is, either.
[11:32] emmohhbee: def not
[11:32] SSJ4Celtrunks: Maybe nirvana is becoming a part of more than this universe's energy.
[11:32] SSJ4Celtrunks: More than this universe's astrals.
[11:32] SSJ4Celtrunks: But seeing into an entirely different and diffuse existence...that goes beyond anything I could ever comprehend.
[11:32] SSJ4Celtrunks: *laughs*
[11:32] SSJ4Celtrunks: But regardless of what it is...it is always there...waiting for us...nirvana isn't something the Buddha created...he found it.
[11:32] SSJ4Celtrunks: And in infinity, it stands to reason, that we've already found it.
[11:33] SSJ4Celtrunks: That everything has been enlightened at some point...
[11:33] SSJ4Celtrunks: I suppose that it is part of some cycle...
[11:33] SSJ4Celtrunks: But then...who knows?
[11:33] SSJ4Celtrunks: It's fun to muse.
[11:33] SSJ4Celtrunks: Beacuse with all the shit I've already jsut said...
[11:33] SSJ4Celtrunks: I'm chill enough to think about it.
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: What's left to question?
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: With those simple truths.
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: Everything is a part of them.
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: Once you realize infinity, there's nothing left that's really doubtful.
[11:34] emmohhbee: yeah
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: Everythign you've ever known is a part of it, and will always be.
[11:34] emmohhbee: i guess once you understand it its all good
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: ;P
[11:34] emmohhbee: i guess the big lesson to be learned here
[11:34] emmohhbee: is nothing realllly matteres
[11:34] emmohhbee: ever
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: Aaah, too true.
[11:34] emmohhbee: be good to yourself
[11:34] emmohhbee: and others
[11:34] emmohhbee: and dont fuck around
[11:34] SSJ4Celtrunks: And have no worries.
[11:35] SSJ4Celtrunks: There's not a damn worry at all.
[11:35] SSJ4Celtrunks: It's just better to be compassionate.
[11:35] SSJ4Celtrunks: For all things.
[11:35] SSJ4Celtrunks: It is the easiest, happiest, best energy...
[11:35] SSJ4Celtrunks: It is the healthiest...
[11:35] SSJ4Celtrunks: It's not something you strive to do.
[11:36] SSJ4Celtrunks: You just...love things.
[11:36] SSJ4Celtrunks: And the more you love things, the more your love increases.
[11:36] SSJ4Celtrunks: ;P
[11:36] SSJ4Celtrunks: It's a self-perpetuating energy.
[11:36] SSJ4Celtrunks: It just slowly, gently, and beautifully goes on, throughout infinity.
[11:36] SSJ4Celtrunks: Like a lamp lighting the entirety of existence.
[11:37] SSJ4Celtrunks: *smiles*

A small bit of the conversation me and a friend had on Buddhist philosophy...I'm glad I finally got the words out right...really tired when I wrote this...so please excuse any lack of proper articulation of thoughts.

Love and Peace,
-Benjamin

current mood: Universal and Infinite

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Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
2:01 pm - Past Friends
Spyk...you saved my life more than once...you save my sanity every day. You were last seen walking down North Beach, Vilano Estates. Where ever you are, brother, I hope you are well. You effected me greatly, you are as much a part of me as the air I breath. I will not forget, and I can never repay you.

Dark days on solemn beaches, the wind sweeping past as you stare at the evanescent encasing sky...star-black surroundings. The wind blows again, and frees your spirit from the earthly bonds....

Free...to love.

I hope you find your peace, good friend.

As I hope all of us do...
*bows deeply*

May compassion fill the universe.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: Spaced

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Monday, March 21st, 2005
11:13 pm - Xin-Yi
James was right.

There are two minds, Xin and Yi...emotional and logical. I have lived only in Yi...not in Xin, for my fear of my depression.

I want to leave...today...I want to live, today.

Why am I waiting? I've waited a year.
Why...

James, I do hope you kick my ass if I'm here when you leave.
But what's more, I hope you come with me to St. Augustine sometime.

In fact, maybe I'll call you tomorrow about it.

I have lived here for depression...not fear...not because I got burnt, I didn't.
I live here now, bogged, for loyalty to my parents, for not wishing to break my mom's heart.
I live here now for bent emotions.

I don't want to be bent anymore.

Fuck this, I love everyone, all of you, each of you, individually and indivisbly, I love you.
And I shall not wait a moment longer than I must to leave.
That is how I live.

Sincerely,
-Benjamin

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Friday, March 18th, 2005
8:37 pm - The Hippie Language
Wow...it's been eight posts since my last comment. Am I really that introverted and odd that no one cares to decipher my insane babble? *smiles*

Yep...

So, happiness and pooftastic musings.

Thanks to Chris for coming over and cheering me up, and Eric for being insanely silly and cool.
...cept when he was near my seal.

Er...and everyone, hello, and happiness to you all!

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: The One

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Thursday, March 17th, 2005
7:50 am - *bows to the universe*
In understanding pain, I have nothing but sympathy.
In delving through sorrow, I have nothing but joy.
In mindfulness to anger, I find a seamless peace.

In practicing compassion and mindfulness, I do my best, in every moment.

May I have the insight to aid others.
May I have the compassion to heal.
May I have the mindfulness to overcome the five skandas.

Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha. *bows*

Love to all,
Peace to the universe,
-Benjamin

Oh, and may I totally have the bodacious capacity to be a bitchin' submissive Tai Ji hippie. *smiles*

current mood: Most Triumphant

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Monday, March 14th, 2005
2:02 am - *grins*
"Bill, strange things are afoot at the Circle K."

*laughs* Be excellent to each other.

current mood: bouncy

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Sunday, March 13th, 2005
4:42 am - The Hippie In Me...
I feel ready to truly travel again...ready to find the ride.
Should I wait...*wonders*

I fear being crushed...nameless and alone somewhere, in an abadoned house with derilect deeds...I fear the journey just like any man would...

But I fear being crushed by stagnation here...

I don't have to travel to be free. I can be free in every moment...

*wonders*

I won't wait one moment more to live, though...I am ready. I can travel and get lost in the hall on the way to the bathroom, that's a journey. ;P And I can live, a happy hippie, in every moment. But what then am I searching for? Life. I have already found it...so I live...*smiles warmly*

Two steps and I'm out the door...then it's the open skies and the green Earth to greet me. One can never be to careful, stepping outside of his door. *grins* As Tolkein said, if one isn't careful, the road might sweep him up, and there's no telling where he might end up.

Life is uncertain.
My certainties lay in my natures.
A fierce lover, a loyal friend,
As best as I can be.

*smiles* For Star and Ashes...you gave me the inspiration that only a love as epic as yours could have done.
For New Fish...you gave me a home on your floor when the street was all I had to my name.
For BB...you gave me a hug when I smelt like rank three-week dead oyster juice.
For Spyk...I owe you my life, you saved it numerous times...some that you knew, and some that I never told you about.

It would be truly ungrateful for me to not mention what these wonderful individuals did for me. What Barry and Alvin, Jacqueline and Sara, what Red and her slave...what they did for me. What Kyra and the Monday night poetry group at Backstreets did. Pat, the horse-painter who owned her own art store, Katherine, the Dreamstreets founder, who was the embodiment of compassion. The endless Atlantic Ocean at 4PM in the morning sprawled out as I waited for the sunset. They taught me an invaluable lesson. Life IS...enjoy it in every moment, truly, in the here and the now.

I am not leaving Mobile so soon, but I am very...very ready to simply live.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: awake

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Thursday, March 10th, 2005
6:31 am - Tai Ji
Two forms at six in the morning...my muscles feel like fluid energy. *smiles warmly* Physical highs, mental peace...what more could a man ask for from an exercise?

Kickbox, sidekicks with balance, swing through spinkick...poise, control, balance. Nice to see I haven't lost everything yet. I'm going to start looking for a job...I need to get out to St. Augustine and talk to Fernando.

Writing, Buddhism, BDSM, and Tai Ji...
Compassion, Understanding, Mindfulness.

Seems to me as though it's a good place to be.

Last night me and Ben went down to Municiple Park and messed around, talked about miscellaneous things. Karma and supernatural talk came into it. While I don't disbelieve in the fact that we limited sentients experience less than one billionth of reality, I don't think I can quite grasp supernaturalism. I think it'd make me go schizophrenic first.

But it was still a wonderful talk, St. Augustine is magical...*smiles* I should get back out to it.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

current mood: awake

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Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
1:20 am - Poof
Like the title says! Poof!

"Well I woke up in a car, I traced away the fog so I could see the Mississippi on her knees,
I've never been so lost, I've never felt so much at home,
Please write my folks, and throw away my keys,
I woke up in a car...I woke up in a car..."

- Something Corporate - I Woke Up in a Car

current mood: satisfied

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Saturday, March 5th, 2005
1:22 pm - The Way
In seeking to find balance,
We claw at the ground beneath our feet.
In crying out that we need help,
We stab at the our loved ones with bared teeth.
In falling from our pain,
Our nature of sadism peaks through the cracks.
We hide our demons,
And when we fall, our demons consume us.

We have misused the practice of compassion, and it is the end that we shall see. For in the feeling of worthlessness, lies great danger to yourself and others. To be without worth, all things seem of a lesser grade, and you may attack without feeling of remorse...not knowing...not caring...not being.

I must change this nature within myself...I must. For my father, for my family, for my friends, for my future...for any and all whom I wish to interact with. For me.

The first and foremost I must remember, is that I am worthy of love. That all beings are worthy of love. That compassion is the only thing worthy of us, infinite, unconditional, invincible.

When I am hurt, I shall submit and be clear without reserve, frank without neglect, showing I am hurt.
When I speak, I shall speak with a mindfulness of what my words are doing.
When I think, I shall think that compassion is a good way...and this thought will improve on my others.
When I am weak, I shall submit to rest...and ask politely that I be granted such. For I need healing...at times.

I must...practice and cultivate this compassion. Even now I am swirling with pain.

Love and Peace,
Benjamin

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